We’ve all heard the saying, “Love is blind,” but when you continuously find yourself in relationships that leave you feeling drained, disrespected, or dismissed, it’s time to ask: Is love really blind—or are we just ignoring the signs? If your heart keeps choosing the wrong people, there’s likely a deeper, internal narrative running the show. Understanding this pattern requires a journey inward—one that can lead you back to the most important relationship of all: the one with yourself. Learn how to break the cycle, heal the wound, and begin choosing you. For more on self-transformation and spiritual awakening, visit Shams Tabriz.
Understanding the Pattern: Why You Keep Picking the Wrong Person
The people we’re drawn to often mirror our subconscious beliefs, especially the unresolved wounds of our childhood. If you often feel:
- Unseen or unimportant in relationships,
- Emotionally manipulated,
- Taken for granted,
You’re likely repeating emotional scripts you internalized early in life.
The Psychology Behind Repeated Relationship Mistakes
Attachment theory offers a powerful explanation. If your caregivers were emotionally inconsistent, you might’ve developed:
- Anxious attachment – where you fear abandonment and over-invest in partners.
- Avoidant attachment – where you fear intimacy and push others away.
- Disorganized attachment – where you crave love but sabotage it.
You end up drawn to people who feel familiar, not necessarily healthy. Recognizing this is the first step toward healing.
How to Recognize Emotional Red Flags Early On
Ignoring early warning signs can lead to heartbreak. To protect your heart:
Red Flags Checklist:
- Love bombing: Overwhelming affection too soon.
- Inconsistent communication: Hot and cold behavior.
- Avoids vulnerability: Doesn’t open up emotionally.
- Disrespects boundaries: Pressures you to do things you’re uncomfortable with.
- Gaslighting: Twists your reality to make you doubt yourself.
If you see more than one of these early on, it’s a sign to pause and evaluate.
Expert Tip:
Keep a dating journal. After each date, write down:
- How did you feel before, during, and after?
- Were your boundaries respected?
- Did their words match their actions?
This builds emotional awareness and keeps you grounded in reality.
What Self-Abandonment Really Looks Like
Choosing the wrong partner repeatedly is often a symptom of self-abandonment—ignoring your needs to win someone else’s love.
Examples of Self-Abandonment in Relationships:
| Situation | What You Did | What It Says |
|---|---|---|
| They cancel last-minute | You act like it’s fine | You prioritize them over your needs |
| They avoid commitment | You stay, hoping they’ll change | You fear being alone more than being mistreated |
| They criticize you often | You work harder to please | You believe love must be earned |
Template for Self-Awareness:
Use this prompt to explore your patterns:
“When I feel unworthy, I tend to ____. In my past relationships, I gave up ____, even when it hurt. What I needed most then was ____.”
Doing this reflection regularly helps you re-parent the parts of you that felt neglected.
The Inner Work: Rewriting the Script
You don’t attract what you want—you attract what you believe you deserve.
Steps to Heal the Inner Wounds:
- Inner Child Work
- Revisit childhood memories and notice the emotional needs that went unmet.
- Use affirmations like, “I am worthy of love without performing for it.”
- Shadow Work
- Acknowledge traits you suppress (e.g., jealousy, neediness) without shame.
- Accepting your shadow heals internal fragmentation.
- Therapy or Coaching
- A safe space with a professional can help you connect patterns and shift them.
- Somatic Practices
- Emotions live in the body. Practices like breathwork, dance, or yoga help release trapped trauma.
Self-Worth Affirmations:
- “I will no longer negotiate my value.”
- “I choose myself, even when others don’t.”
- “Love is not earned through suffering.”
How to Finally Choose Yourself
Choosing yourself doesn’t mean giving up on love—it means not settling for anything less than mutual, nourishing, conscious love.
Signs You’re Choosing Yourself:
- You set boundaries without guilt.
- You know your needs and ask for them directly.
- You walk away when someone’s energy disrespects your peace.
Daily Ritual for Self-Connection:
Morning Mirror Exercise:
- Look into your eyes and say:
- “I love you.”
- “I trust you.”
- “I’ve got you.”
It may feel awkward at first, but consistency transforms self-talk from critical to compassionate.
Conclusion
Choosing the wrong person isn’t a flaw—it’s a signal. A call to return to yourself, to understand the unhealed wounds that steer your decisions, and to commit to your growth. The work is messy, yes—but it’s also liberating. And the reward? A life where love is no longer a desperate search, but a reflection of how deeply you’ve learned to love yourself.